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farm leaving, Hannah leaving, sad. sad that seven doesn't want to hang out with me, but its ok there are other guys. other than that everything still good. article due on thursday, party tomorrow.

Lessons from friends-
“Dont stress bfore the problem manifests itself” -farm
“Pick the guy who youll have the best time with not the hottest” -jeffrey
“Closed mouths dont get fed” -michael
“This is easy. Ull be fine. Its just not that big of a deal” -jon


monday- arrive from cdmx
Tues- interview/tacos/estrella w hit me harold
Wed- trivia postgame seven
Thurs- recover
Fri- cupcakes molly farm shuta north beach
Sat- holi fremont bhaang
Sun- costco, back to sf, clean
Mon- office, dinner, tecate on the balcony w sean and salim


missing mexico already... 💔 cried on the plane at how excited I was for my life and at how amazing everything has been going. last night we partied til 1:30am on a wednesday (our routine trivia post-game), played games met new people drank a lot of beer. blessed 2 be part of a community... we smoke Darren's friend's weed, we drink Kaesha's beer, jack from hit me Harold gave me a tom Delonge Stratocaster when I interviewed them the other night. I know that things will swing the other way at some point, but for now I am eternally grateful. my body is processing alcohol at higher rates than ever before, no doubt due to the constant drinking of the past 2 weeks, gin tonics, mezcal, orange wine. I had the time of my life in mexico...I can't believe I got away with it all without getting sick. its so basic to say, but traveling is so enriching and rewarding and incredible. I am pondering wiling away all my days and money in CDMX and on the Eurorail this summer, instead of at SVA...
listening to a lot of Dehd, so different from what I was listening to before I left — the cure, swans, choir boy, friends. I =) am =) happy =) for now...


at museo de pinturas oaxacanas we admired the disturbing paintings of jonathan barbieri- surveilled pig head, flourescent lit shark on an examination table, still life of a buttered toast and some loose teeth.
we ate so many things in mexico—Pan de nata from the bougie bakery, chapulines in mole, late-night al pastor. Memelitas in oaxaca, tostadas de ceviche y pulpo in coyoacán, paletas de queso in the square. Tepache, tejate, tecate. Chicharrones and pozole verde on the first night, empanadas de flor de calabeza that were more like quesadillas. Tetelas de comal, tamarind margaritas, Jeffrey's oaxaca fizz. mediocre Baja fish tacos, quesadillas and Gorditas on the street, cochinita pibil everywhere. Mole negro, mole rojo, mole amarillo. first hornitos and cheap tequila late at night, then Chilaquiles verde for the hangover, jugo de naranja, cafe de olla. Shots of mezcal artesenal. Snook, snapper, jaiba y camarones. Horchata, lechon, totopos con guacamole y salsa de mojo. Churros con leche condensada y pancake de elote, tamal de chocolate.
In polanco i shopped over my budget at lago and ikal, near pujol and quintonil. I got my eyebrows and a manicure for 10$ each at bougie salons. White Expats jogged by me in the late afternoon in the shade of the canopied trees overhead...
A party I found on resident advisor in an empty office space in roma with young bass house djs and gente multicultural. In the early hours of Benito juarez day a secret party in a lit up courtyard with oldies and melodic trance. The dutchman said his friends who left 20 min before us were mugged at gunpoint. We ball out at masala y maiz, estiatorio nostos, expendio tradicion but no meal is over 50$. We relish the elevated flavors of mexico in a tasting menu at lorea. We drink ritual absinthe at maison artemisia on plush red velvet chairs. We dance in the neon lights to a mix of spanish language hits and american girl pop, at a nondescript gay club with an unmarked facade and a single bouncer who asks us, ¿Estás buscando Baby?


The Drunken Boat (Rimbaud)


tuesday- quit job, ketamine and jacuzzi w michael
Wednesday- trivia win, pizza party at farms
Thursday- interview w george, work from the office, dinner w ben, bart to oakland, plum band practice
Friday- wfh, pregame at catherines, madrone, seven
saturday- seven, jon, godspeed!, bar
sunday- lunch w dhruv and jon, hannah’s yard sale, 880s, sakoon and margaritas in fremont w ricardo
monday- 880n, recovering from no sleep
tuesday- sugar, mailer, money stress, packing


horrified by the thought of wasting my 20s in a relationship...quit my job last week(!), partying a lil too much, busy like undergrad—teaching a girl design 101, writing a 2500 word feature on the SF music scene, hiring my underling while I'm on my way out, doing a lot of ketamine and CBD, prepping for a trip to Mexico City, caught in the hot mess of maybe sort of developing feelings for someone but also maybe sort of just trying to fuck around...? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ relishing being young and sexy with no responsibilities, excited to be a degen and paint, it all clicked yesterday—I have a job to make money, so I can spend on my lifestyle, but if I don't spend, I don't need a job, and I can just do wwhhhhaatteeeverrrr I want...! in march of 2021 I was so wistful, earnest, at the outset of life, curious, grounded (fake?), excited; now, more sardonic, cheeky, confident, emo, pretentious, wacky... gotta make sure my head doesn't get too big... or do I?


fearful avoidant attachment style...